| Balancing Giving and Receiving
This past Mother’s Day, my husband and I decided we
would host a party for our family of mothers, and their respective
families. Ordinarily hosting a party for 15 people, knowing
I have to cook for that many, is not an activity I get particularly
excited about. First of all, I am not a good cook and I feel
somewhat lost in the kitchen if I have to prepare some fancy
meal. Thankfully, my mother is an excellent host and absolutely
loves to plan parties. She coached me from afar on how I was
going to pull this whole event off.
At the beginning of the week, we sat on the phone and planned
the menu. We put together a plan for what I was going to cook
or prepare each day starting on Friday. On Thursday, she called
me to make sure I was doing all the shopping. We checked in
regularly with one another to make sure everything was on
track. When I called her Sunday to wish her a Happy Mother’s
Day, she reminded me to take the pasta out of the refrigerator
so it had plenty of time to come to room temperature before
baking.
Throughout the whole weekend of preparation, I thought to
myself, “This whole act of giving is exhausting and
stressful, but it’s also kind of fun.” Was it
worth it? You bet it was. When all the guests arrived, they
were full of joy because they didn’t have to cook. They
were coming to my house to receive. They were thrilled to
sit down to a table full of appetizers. And all the women
were even more ecstatic when they were presented with a spread
of delicious food that was made especially for them. I gave
to them the gift of being served.
Now some of you might relate to this story because it’s
exactly what you did. Others might be wondering “What
about you? You’re a mom too. Don’t you deserve
to be served?” Of course I do. I will be planning my
special day this week. Knowing that I was consciously balancing
giving and receiving enabled me to give 100% of myself to
other people.
More often than not, women, particularly moms, tip the balance
scale too far in the direction of giving. We take care of
our children. We manage and run the house, asking for very
little help in return. We volunteer our time and help our
friend’s solve all their problems. We fall into bed
exhausted from our day, only to be approached by our smiling
and affectionate husbands.
So what would it look like if we balanced giving and receiving
in our lives? It might mean we play with our children for
30 minutes and then explain to them we are going to take 30
minutes to read a book while they occupy themselves. It could
be that we hire a babysitter for a half day without feeling
guilty, while we do something we want to do. Balancing giving
and receiving might mean you say no to volunteering so someone
else can step up and help. Maybe today you find a friend that
will listen to you.
Giving is being available to a friend over a cup of coffee.
Receiving is allowing a friend to buy you lunch just because
she wants to. Giving is offering to drive your child and her
two friends to the mall and back. Receiving is letting another
mom do the carpooling so you can experience some peace and
quiet. Giving is happily agreeing to loan a family member
$100 because they are short on cash. Receiving is being okay
with requesting a pot luck dinner for your next party because
you know it will save your family some money.
When we give too much, we risk being irritable and worn out.
Resentment creeps in and giving is no longer something we
do from our heart. If we receive too much, we are labeled
as needy or selfish and people don’t want to be around
us. Sometimes when we are afraid of being too needy or selfish,
we go to the extreme and give too much of ourselves. Likewise,
if we’re worried that people will take advantage of
our kindness because our boundary setting skills are weak,
we will fall to the other extreme. There is joy in giving
and receiving, and we can find a healthy balance between the
two. In what area of your life do you need to experience the
balance between giving and receiving?
Lori Radun, CEC is a certified life coach and professional
speaker specializing in helping women be effective leaders
of their home and work lives. For more FREE personal development
tips and the FREE special report “5 Tips for Maximizing
your Time”, visit her website at http://www.loriradun.com
|
